


Not Sopor but not Sober

by Merrywetherweather



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bad Jokes, Drunk Sex, M/M, Oneshot, Xeno, davekat - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-26
Updated: 2013-04-26
Packaged: 2017-12-09 12:49:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/774377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merrywetherweather/pseuds/Merrywetherweather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat tries beer without knowing how it will affect his alien body. Doesn't take much to make him inebriated, and as it would turn out he's kind of a flirtatious drunk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Sopor but not Sober

“What are you doing?” Kanaya flitted over to Rose and Dave.  
“Drinking some alcoholic beaver oranges,” Rose answered, her words slurring.  
“She means beverages,” Dave clarified.  
“Pfft! Beaver oranges. What are beavers doing with oranges anyway?” Rose swayed a bit, unsteady on her feet.  
“Maybe you should take her to her room, Kanaya. She drank too much.”  
“I think that might be a good idea...,” Kanaya slipped her arm under Rose’s and helped to steady her exit from the den.  
Karkat walked in not a minute later, “Oh, look who we have here. Small, dark and yelly.”  
Karkat glared at Dave, “Yelly isn’t an adjective, asshat!”  
“Your lusus isn’t an adjective,”  
“… What?”  
Dave was beginning to reach his limit with the alcohol. He was slipping into a gigglier and sillier persona. One that usually led down the path of incomprehensible jokes to everyone but himself and chuckle fits.  
“What are you drinking? It smells awful!” Karkat cautiously stepped forward.  
“It’s beer dude.”  
“…Beer?”  
“Oh bless your little troll heart or whatever the hell your fucked up alien anatomy calls it. How did you guys party back on planet snooze ville no booze ville?”  
“I don’t follow.”  
“I’m talking about getting inebriated, motherfucker! Intoxicated, smashed, hammered, whatever other synonym Microsoft Word offers when you right click on drunk!”  
“Oh. I get it. You are drinking the human equivalent of sopor.”  
“Do you want to try some? It might chill you out.”  
“I am quite curious.”  
Dave held out his cup, “All yours man.”  
Karkat took a step back, “You want me to drink out of the same cup as you!?”  
“Is there some weird troll custom against it? Is it going to incite a long winded explanation about cultural translations?”  
“No… It’s just embarrassing.”  
“I could slip it into your mouth through a hot, passionate kiss. I know how much you love your troll-human sloppy makeouts.”  
“I’ll take the cup,” Karkat eyed the golden liquid, hesitating slightly.  
He sipped at it thoughtfully. The taste was revolting and the burning feeling in his throat was unpleasant. Suddenly the world went dark and he toppled over. Dave barely managed to catch him before he hit the ground.  
“Jesus, bro! You alright?”  
Kanaya floated into the room in her own graceful-vampire-like way. Seeing Karkat asleep in Dave’s arms she stopped, “Oh my. I didn’t realize you two were, um. Err right. I’ll just be,” She turned on her heels and tried to make a hasty retreat.  
“No! Wait, Kanaya! Something’s wrong with Karkat!”  
In a single swish of her scarlet skirt, Kanaya was at Dave’s side, “What happened,” she asked calmly.  
“I let him have some of my drink.”  
“…Dave, that was an incredibly stupid thing for the both of you to do. We don’t even know how the alcohol will affect him.”  
Dave bent his head to Karkat’s chest, “He’s breathing.”  
“Mmm...,” Karkat mumbled.  
“He looks to be fine. If it was sopor it would have had a similar effect, although you would need a lot more to cause this state of drowsiness. If you were to bring him to his room, I believe this could be easily slept off.”  
“Sounds good,” Dave picked up the unconscious Karkat bridal style. He was so much lighter than his poofy sweater made him out to be. The sweater added a sense of mass and intimidation that Dave knew Karkat would lack without it. Maybe the huge garment made him feel bigger, but from Dave’s point of view it had an opposite effect.  
Steadying his heartbeat from the earlier adrenaline, Dave managed to carry Karkat to his room. He gently laid him down on the bed and tried to throw a blanket on him. Karkat struggled.  
“Mmm…”  
“Um… What? Did you say something? Dude, are you awake?”  
“MMMMMM!!!”  
“I can’t hear you…”  
“I said it’s too hot!” Karkat pushed the covers off. His face was flushed red and he swayed as he tried to sit up.  
“Hot or not, stay in bed. Kanaya wants you to sleep the alcohol off,” Dave pushed Karkat onto his back. The bed creaked at the sudden strain. Dave remained hovering over the flushed troll to keep him from sitting back up.  
“I don’t waaaaaannaaaaaaa! Hic!” Karkat whined.  
“You might possibly be more annoying drunk than you are sober.”  
“Hmmf!” Karkat batted at Dave’s chest, “I hate you, fuckhead! Get off!”  
“Not even touching you… Can you stop that? It’s kind of pathetic,” Dave took Karkat’s hands in his own and pinned them to the bed.  
Karkat whimpered, “…Hot...”  
His breathing got heavier, “Hey! Are you okay?”  
“Get off! It’s fucking hotter than LOHAC!”  
Dave leapt off of the bed, “Whoa! What are you doing!?”  
Karkat had begun to pull the sweater off and over his head. Or he tried to. It looked more like he had gotten about halfway there and was struggling to get out of the Karkat cacoon he had unintentionally made for himself.  
“Daaaaave! Heeeeeelp!”  
“Stop whining. What do you want me to do?”  
“Take it off!”  
“…You want me to strip you?”  
He saw Karkat nod inside the heavy garb.  
“God, you are so embarrassing,” Dave slid his hands under Karkat’s sweater; the troll’s skin did feel extremely hot to the touch. Instead of flinching away, Karkat leaned into the contact, no doubt appreciating the relief of coolness he received.  
Mind heavy with a drinking-induced fogginess, Dave liked the way his hands felt on Karkat’s ribs. He slid the sweater off and caught Karkat starting directly into his eyes; an act almost more intimate than the skin touching. His expression looked tired but coy, like he had some secret plan that was being initiated and carried out.  
“Daaaaaave.”  
“What?”  
“Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave.”  
“…um… What?”  
“DAVE!”  
“What the fuck do you want!?”  
Karkat threw his arms around Dave’s neck and leaned his face in close, “Shooshshooshshooshshoosh… shoosh. Can you take my pants off now?”  
“WHAT.”  
“It’s still really hoooooot!” Karkat Vantas. Master of seduction. What the fuck was wrong with this picture? How did someone drink so little and go through such a huge personality change?  
“Oh man, listen. We’re both drunk, actually you’re so wasted, I’m pretty sure you’d make out with that lamp if I told you it wanted to be in a quadrant with you,” Dave gestured to the shaded light fixture.  
Karkat leaned over towards the lamp by the bedside, “That is a very nice offer, sir, but I don’t think it would work between- HIC! Between us. You see, you lack genitalia.”  
Dave ran his fingers through his hair, “Please don’t talk to inanimate objects.”  
Karkat’s attention drifted back to him, “Why? Jelly-us?”  
“What the fuck did you just say? Did you just say jealous? Dude, I could get into your pants faster than anyone (and anything) on this space rock. Why would I be jealous?”  
“Oh yeah? Whysh guy? Than prove it!” Karkat exclaimed, slurring his words a bit.  
Dave was on him in seconds. He cupped Karkat’s face in his hands and kissed him passionately. It was sloppy at first, thanks to the effects of the beer, but the pair fell into a rhythmic pattern that barely left them room to breathe.  
Dave kissed tenderly at the corners of Karkat’s mouth while Karkat mumbled inaudible praises, sending vibrations through their mingling lips. Dave reached down and unbuttoned Karkat’s jeans. He felt the troll awkwardly wiggle himself out of his pants.  
Dave broke the kiss and sat up on his knees, his shadow looming over Karkat like a bird of prey. Pulling his own shirt off, Dave rejoined with Karkat’s lips, his kisses getting softer and sweeter.  
Finally the cancer could no longer stand the wait, “D-Dave! I want-I want-!” Karkat gritted his teeth with pleasure as Dave complied, reaching into Karkat’s boxers and finding his nook. Gently and expertly, he prepared the hole, pushing his fingers in and almost out, Karkat screaming in ecstasy all the while.  
At last Dave was satisfied with the nook’s flexibility. He pulled out his own cock and targeted the hole. Karkat yelped at the swift thrust inward, but the sound was drowned out by the moans that followed it.  
Dave took hold of Karkat’s legs, pushing them farther apart to try and get deeper. Soon he found Karkat’s pleasure spot, “A-ah!”  
The bedroom had begun to fill with the erotic noises of Dave and Karkat’s lustful voices. Their sounds mixed into a wondrous symphony of sex. Dave could have recorded that shit and made millions off of that sweet jam. Jam would be flying off the shelves like crazy. Everybody would crave that yummy nectar on their bread.  
Hold on. Getting sidetracked by this extended metaphor. What were we talking about again? Oh right! Sex!  
Dave reached for Karkat’s bone bulge, which gladly met his hand with enthusiasm. He pumped the slick tentacle up and down, “Dave! I’m close!”  
“Almost there…”  
The two came simultaneously, riding out their orgasms, ending in loud pants. Dave collapsed onto Karkat, “You’re not so drunk that you’d forget about this, right?”  
“I doubt anything is strong enough to erase this from my memory.”  
“I don’t know whether to feel flattered or regretful.”  
“So be both,” Karkat turned away so that he could hide his face.  
“Not that I didn’t enjoy that! I don’t regret that at all! I just don’t know how you’ll feel about this situation in the morning.”  
Karkat started shaking.  
“Are you alright?!”  
He turned back over to face Dave, laughing silently, but hysterically, “Don’t you think if I really didn’t want this, that I wouldn’t have asked for it?”  
Dave was thrown off by Karkat’s mischievous grin.  
“I just saw this as a good opportunity to finally get somewhere with you. You never want to discuss quadrants so…”  
“You sick fuck.”  
Karkat flinched.  
Dave leaned in to kiss him, “Please come up with more devious plans so that I can ravage you again.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can tell where I didn't know what to say and just kind of MICROSOFT WORD RIGHT CLICK THAT SHIT.


End file.
